Hello.
This blog is a strange and struggling thing. Always has been.
I feel that maybe it would be beneficial to start using it for the dissemination of something other than scrappy obscenities. It would be a worthwhile venture, I think, to attempt to use this blog as a platform for slightly more structured and coherent pieces.
I could become a citizen journalist.
Thursday, 15 October 2009
Tuesday, 1 September 2009
I apply to join The Boomtown Rats
DEAR BOB GELDOFF
Like all the best things I found it on the infinite internet and it made me fill up with a blank black chrome white hum like 1980s central heating steam-sucking extractor fan abandoned late-night fridge freezer topless photograph of Peaches and Pixie Geldoff. It was a photograph of Peaches and Pixie Geldoff with their tits out.
I tossed pearls, or course I did, catching it all in a handful of crumpled cheap bleached white tissue paper I thought about how their skin would be hot to the touch and compared their nipples tan-lines faces facial expressions hair cuts.
My printer is incredibly advanced photographically exact I printed it I printed 30 copies of it full colour. Tan lines your daughters. I stapled them all over me I crawl writhe bleed moan. I don't, but imagine it. I have a girlfriend.
"Give us the fucking money."
I was once as young as you are now Peaches and Pixie Geldoff. Please give me a job I graduated with 1st class honours.
yours [etc].
Like all the best things I found it on the infinite internet and it made me fill up with a blank black chrome white hum like 1980s central heating steam-sucking extractor fan abandoned late-night fridge freezer topless photograph of Peaches and Pixie Geldoff. It was a photograph of Peaches and Pixie Geldoff with their tits out.
I tossed pearls, or course I did, catching it all in a handful of crumpled cheap bleached white tissue paper I thought about how their skin would be hot to the touch and compared their nipples tan-lines faces facial expressions hair cuts.
My printer is incredibly advanced photographically exact I printed it I printed 30 copies of it full colour. Tan lines your daughters. I stapled them all over me I crawl writhe bleed moan. I don't, but imagine it. I have a girlfriend.
"Give us the fucking money."
I was once as young as you are now Peaches and Pixie Geldoff. Please give me a job I graduated with 1st class honours.
yours [etc].
Thursday, 27 August 2009
Salvage.
‘Imagine,’ I said to him, and he was attentive, ‘Imagine that there’s a big fat man, and he’s run a bath, and he wants to get into the bath…’
He seemed eager enough to hear me out.
‘Well, now imagine that as he steps into the bath, he slips on a bar of soap, and he lands face first in the water. And he’s so fat that he gets wedged into the bath, face down, with his mouth and his nose underwater, and he drowns. And while he’s drowning he craps himself. And then his wife- she’s very skinny, terribly skinny –she finds the body, and she rings the police, and when they turn up she’s trying to wipe the fat man’s body clean with her own blouse- she’s taken it off, she’s just in her bra and a skirt -and she’s crying so much that her nose has started to bleed.’
The boy looked at me. I thought that maybe I had gone too far.
‘That’s horrible, isn’t it?’
He nodded.
‘But it’s also funny isn’t it? Funny in a horrible way?’
He didn’t nod or shake his head, and after a pause he picked his bike up off the pavement and mounted it and rode away.
He seemed eager enough to hear me out.
‘Well, now imagine that as he steps into the bath, he slips on a bar of soap, and he lands face first in the water. And he’s so fat that he gets wedged into the bath, face down, with his mouth and his nose underwater, and he drowns. And while he’s drowning he craps himself. And then his wife- she’s very skinny, terribly skinny –she finds the body, and she rings the police, and when they turn up she’s trying to wipe the fat man’s body clean with her own blouse- she’s taken it off, she’s just in her bra and a skirt -and she’s crying so much that her nose has started to bleed.’
The boy looked at me. I thought that maybe I had gone too far.
‘That’s horrible, isn’t it?’
He nodded.
‘But it’s also funny isn’t it? Funny in a horrible way?’
He didn’t nod or shake his head, and after a pause he picked his bike up off the pavement and mounted it and rode away.
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